Self deprecating thoughts
asphyxiate. Gulping for breath, we search for flaws within. We stunt our
personal growth with all of the "I think I can'ts." I am
beginning to notice how I silently speak to myself. How I approach a new project;
often with an adverse attitude. It used to be that I'd tell myself that
if I endeavor unfamiliar settings with despondence, I could manifest a positive
consequence. Superstition gets the better of me and I become fearful.
Anxious about the things I have little control of, regardless. I
recognize how hard I am on myself. It probes the question: why do we
punish ourselves for crimes we have not committed? Why is it that when I
commence a knitting project, there is an expectation that I will never master the
unfamiliar stitches? When I commit to a writing challenge, I expect to
flounder? What infractions from my past grant the torture I
ensue?
And
yet, sometimes, it takes stacking up some of your accomplishments to recall
where you've began. Reflecting on your changes in the face of
challenges. Projects you've began and torn out.... and those you've
satisfyingly observed grow and expand. And when everything feels heavy,
stagnant or too difficult, you remind yourself that it is with composure and
trust, not punishment, that you thrive. And you learn to grant yourself
reprieve.
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